So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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