I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize