did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
