finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize