the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How does it feel to date your dad?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
