their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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