Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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