is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
