Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
