how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
