She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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