I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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