I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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