Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
