i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
