We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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