apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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