Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize