its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
