He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
