is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
