My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
