U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
