I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
