sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
