Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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