'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
