Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
