I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
