That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
