I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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