my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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