How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
