think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
