dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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