It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
