i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
