The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
