I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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