i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize