That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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