I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
