booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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