Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
