he thought i was a dude.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
