I am in a vortex of obligation.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize