Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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