Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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