So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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