im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
