Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Drunk is not a location!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
