What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
