the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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