I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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