My first STD was from a foam party
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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