that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
