Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
