fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
