he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
