did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
