either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
