Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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