I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
