im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
