nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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