I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
